I'm leaving in ten minutes. And I can't believe I am spending the next six hours in the car with a crying mother.

This is so surreal. It hasn't really hit me that I'm going to be in college.

I'm almost completely packed. And I have no idea how all of this shit is going to fit in the car. Leaving on Saturday.

I went into school today to do last minute yearbook work. Like critiqueing next years theme. (I can't believe I'm still fucking doing yearbook.) And I saw lots of teachers. Like Petrich. And Donoghue. On whom, I must simply admit to myself, I have a series, head over heels, crush on.


And fyi, my tetnus shot still hurts like a bitch. And Saturday can't come soon enough.

Dear Mr. Panic Attack,

Please go away. GO GO GO GO GO. We hates you, precious.

Thanks,

The Management


Shit. I might as well be writing to Mr. Potato Head. The worst, and most angering and frustrating, part about this is that I know its my brain that is causing them and I know that only my brain has the power to shut it off. So I should be able to just, poof, gone.

I have officially started packing. Like there are suitcases on the floor with things inside of them. And there's no way I'm ever going to get all my shit into the car.

My parents finally gave in and said they would give be 300 bucks a semester for books. Did I write about this yet? Things have been so weird lately with the panic attacks, and at the same time I'm going through this strange oscilation (vacillation?) between really wanting to leave and not wanting to leave. So I've been a bit scattered.

Ha! I stole the pretty picture from the bathroom. Tali won't know what hit her. Meh. Sucks to be her.

I am officially on anti-anxiety medicine. And I can even swallow the pills. Of course, it's not hard core medicine like whats it called. Blanking out on the name. Mine is an herbal OTC. So yes. For the first time in about five years I have put some kind of medicine in my body. A bit worrisome. But for what it does, I'll put up with it.

I haven't registered for classes yet because I'm doing fall orientation. And I'm worried that classes will have filled up by now. So I'll be stuck taking 7:30 am classes for a semester. Shit. I should have gone during the summer.

Cheers for Lamont! I can't believe that Joe is running as an independent, though.

I'm going crazy. The polls closed an hour ago and I WANT TO KNOW!

In other news, I bought herbal OTC anti-anxiety medicine. Not for tonight, of course. I certainly could use it, though. I'm leaving in seventeen days and I haven't even begun to clean my room up, let alone pack.

Argh. I'm going crazy. Can't the come up with a fucking answer already? They've had an hour and 12 minutes. That's enough time to count 50,000 ballots. An hour and 13 minutes. I keep refreshing Rojo. And nothing. Apparently the official results site is down.

The pills are really big, though. I'm a little concerned about that. I don't like swallowing pills to begin with and now they are like horse pills. Well, not that bad. I'll take anything, though, to cut the panic attacks.

Heh. If you followed this post, kudos to you. I'm off to keep clicking the refresh button. Hour and 15 minutes.

I have been notoriously absent. Or lazy. Who cares. Nobody. That's right.

We just got back from this week-long cruise a few days ago. It was nice; not amazing, but nice. I had my own room on the ship (which was fucking huge, by the way) and kept strange hours. Bermuda was nothing to write home about; we were docked there for two days. I did some shopping (read: I bought art), went to a crafts market and an art gallery, and went to a carnival/festival thingy. It was fun. And the Bermudans have really cool accents. And they use words like 'mon'. Really, they do.

The things to do on the ship were a bit boring. Except, you know, standing at the railing pretending you're Legolas looking out at the Sea. Ahem. No, of course I don't do that. I just go down staircases on cookie sheets.

So, the next three weeks until I have to leave are going to be occupied with nothing more than shrink appointments, painting, thinking about what I need to pack, and wishing I was already gone.

I bought an egg crate, two milk crates, and a coat that I actually like. I went this whole last winter living in layers and hoodies, and I got by without having to wear my winter coat a single day. But apparently its fucking cold in MI. And I went around to a few different stores to try to find boots. I think I'll need them, even though I've never been much of a boots person. But nobody has boots yet. Perhaps I'll just buy them there. Btw, my eighteenth birthday present from my parents is a coat and boots. Isn't that pathetic? Actually, I'm off to look at shoes.com. Apparently they have free shipping returns. It beats driving around to fifty different stores.

In other news, a friend of mine has been in Germany for a year and she just got home yesterday. Heh. Just in time for me to leave for college. So we're going to do...something. Tonight. Perhaps.

I'm leaving for a week long cruise tomorrow. So I will be notoriously absent. Not that I'm known for updating everyday or anything. But no email, no phone. It will be blissful. Except for the slash. Am I really going to go 8 days without slash? The good news is I have my own room. And the ship has an ice rink! And I think its FREE!

Okay, I really have to do laundry. Bye bye if I get sucked into the Bermuda triangle.

I bought an iPod sock! Cutest thing in the world. And its green. Awwwww.

I spent half the day just doing UM crap. And I never actually got around to taking the math exam. No, of course I'm not procrastinating. I;m going to fail college. FAIL. Because senioritis is still alive and kicking.

I'm very tired. and paint all over me. Even after a shower. So I'm going to bed.

Crooks and Liars posted this, and it was so funny I couldn't resist.




Btw, does anyone have any other, better, sites like photobucket? I really can't stand it any more.

There was so much work I should have done today and I just didn't. Because my mom is out of town. So I don't have her nagging me to work. We've agreed, albeit silently, that I will work until she moves into the new space in the South Side, in a couple weeks. So I'm stuck in the mud until then.

I bought sheets for college. The extra long kind. I don't even need a long bed. I'm short. ( In case, you know, you haven't noticed yet.) But I got really really soft kind. Black. I've always wanted a slippery black duvet. Maybe I'll buy it if I get a bonus check. Although, I'm afraid that all I'll want to do is wrap myself in it and go back to sleep. And I'll never go to class or study. Fail college. Of course, none of this will matter because I'm cocooned in my slippery black duvet.

So. I promised a long post on italy.

( And I deliver. )

I saw Walk the Line (finally) recently and last night went to see The Devil Wears Prada. Both excellent. And I have to find time for POTC 2. I've seen both good and bad reviews. But it's Orlando. I can't NOT see it. Of course, people said that the Two Towers was also bad, because it was the middle one, and what the hell do they know? I just found out yesterday (how did I not know this?) that Pirates was a trilogy.

Ok, I have to go find some coffee. And I still haven't taken a single look at my feeds. I'm scared too. Still wading through all the back pages of my flist. Almost there.

Ugh. I just flew in from Fiumicino. To Toronto. And the to Pittsburgh. It's such a relief to be using capital letters again. And my baby Apple.

Utterly exausted. So exhausted that I'm a bit dizzy. I've barely slept in the last 48 hours. I don't have the strength or willpower to even check my email. I didn't get on a single computer in Rome, only two or three times in Firenze, so I'm kind of scared to see how many messages I have. I'll spend an entire day going through that, my friends list, and, scariest of all, my feeds. I probably have 2500 entries on my feeds page. Shit. I'll probably just skim most of them.

I'll do a nice long post on Rome perhaps tomorrow. It might be Saturday. We'll see. I'm going to bed, since its 4:30 in the morning for me. Ack.

uffizi today. utterly exhausted. although they had the coolest underground bathrooms that were marble with cool light green lighting and frosty doors. and you could walk around in the area outside of the bathrooms (still underground) and see ongoing excavations of old wells and aqueducts.

and i barely slept last night. again. third night in a row. of course, we've only been here three nights. first off, our room has no AC and its brutally hot in firenze. its supposedly going to be cooler in rome.

but anyways, i discovered that since i usually go to bed around two in pgh and sleep until eleven, and here we have to be up at eight to do museums. so even though italy is six hours ahead, im not six hours jetlagged, im ten or eleven hours jetlagged.

probably why i havent been feeling well. i dont do so well without at least a couple hours of sleep.

tentative plans for tomorrow. i might go to the bargello, since we never got around to do it yesterday.

new word for the day (this is also cultural thing): naturale. technically it means natural, but they use it to refer to water. when you ask for water, they ask, naturale or frizzante? you get it, right. and of course, it takes exactly like seltzer. im still waiting for them to come out with fizzy water that tastes like water, not the seltzer taste. of course, the lemon lime is really good. and if you imagine that you're drinking Sprite, it tastes like sprite. neat, yes?

i barely slept last night, so i slept in much later than usual. isnt that awful? im in italy and sleeping.

we went to see the david today. there are no words. really. i spent two hours drawing it. and im still reeling. its so much bigger than you could have ever imagined.

and i bargained! like no other, i might add. there was an italian guy selling posters on the street, and there was one that i really liked - a close up of the sistine ceiling of adams hand and gods hand at the spark of life, and the guy said it was 15 euros. i told him no, and started to walk away. he comes running after me, "how much you want for?". i told him five. so he offers 12. when i told him no again, he gives 10. he was like, "give me money, give me money" and he wrapped the poster in a rubber band. and i walked away for like the fifth time. finally he was like, "ok, i give for five".

too easy.

tomorrow is the Uffizi galleries. but i still have to figure out whats in it. fuck. more research.

im in italy. at an internet cafè. forewarning: there will be no apostrophes or capital letters in this post. cant find the apostrophe key and the shift key is too far to the left. i cant be bothered. too bad. i can, however, make funky symbols really fast. èèèéépéèéèèèèèèèéòòòòòçççççç°°°°°àààà১§§§§ùùùùù. ha.

anyways, im in italy. lots of fun. a little dehydration. a bit sick on first day. the plane ride was fucking awful. but feeling much better.

we went to the museo d'(ha! i figured apostrophe out)opera dell duomo, and saw, among other things, michelangelos pieta dell duomo. the duomo itself is enormous.

and im learning italian:

clicca qui --- click here
servicios --- bathrooms
agua --- water (naturale or frizziano)

...and i kind of think that aggiorna is "live". as in "aggiorna journal". see? all the important things are covered.

we also saw today the tombs of lorenzo il magnifico and giuliano d'medici, with the day and night and dawn and dusk statues.

tomorrow will be the bargello and the galleria della accademia with the david.

I bought my first real iPod today. I had a blue mini for about two years, and then the battery kind of went. So I took it in for the them to do a battery test. And it failed. HA! Take that Apple. But anyways, they gave me a new one. Same color and make.

But the minis never seemed like real iPods. So I bought a black video ipod for my graduation present, with all the money people gave me. I got $25 from my mom's parents. The ones who I'm not speaking to.

Before I forget, my new IM sn is splittingsun. FYI.

I'm leaving for Italy (Rome and Florence) tomorrow afternoon. Mucho excited. And the best part is Tali won't be there. I actually told me parents that I wouldn't go if she was on the trip. And technically this was my pre-college trip. So there was no way they would take her. And then she started moaning that she wanted Dad to stay home with her. I won that one, too.

I hate my work. Hate hate hate. it's awful. But it's 10 bucks an hour. Plus lots of bonuses. And I get to make my own hours.

Mom and I went to look at spaces on the South Side for her new business. And I, being employee numero uno, get to help her decide which one to rent. Hurrah for exposed red brick walls.

I have a shitload of things to do tomorrrow. Which is actually quite unusual. I'm normally just lying around working and reading slash. It's terrible. It's an obsession.

See mattern. Say goodbye. Giver her back my key.
Go to shrink. Discuss mindblowing issues. e.g. I have trust issues.
Go to dentist with Tali. Shit. Drill. Scraping tools that feel like nails down chalkboard.

Dammit.

Wednesday:

Practice.
Doctors appt. Meningitis shot.
Pick up Dad from airport. Don't get caught by police when driving 90 mph down 276.

I have to get back to work. LJ counts as work time, right? Cause the timer's still ticking.

No matter how hard I try, I still have issues changing the look of my LJ. Changing the color is as far as I'm going to get.

My shrink says that I have trouble accepting change in my life. Which is why I have panic attacks.

So...graduation. What is there to say about graduation? The gowns were fucking ugly, the hats are flat and didn't stay on, and I didn't trip down the stairs. Or fall asleep. Which is an accomplishment in itself.

The first student address was stupid. Very cookie-cutter. Every graduation has it. The second one I thought was very good. It was about rejecting passivity in favor of action to have an impact on the world. And she talked about the sixties, which just absolutely made my night. All that was missing was the Free speech movement. And, of course, Donoghue.

I came home afterwards and got tipsy on champagne. We really should have broken out the tequila and jello shots.

My diploma is stupid. Why would I work four years and they can't even make it look nice.

No, of course I'm not bitter and cynical.

But we're done. Yay!

I think I'm going to take the T down to the point tomorrow and check out the T.R. Arts festival. It's supposed to be good. We'll see. Riding the T is always an adventure in itself, for me.